In Princess Peach: Showtime, the Mushroom Kingdom’s crown-toting not-quite-queen takes center stage to perform in a plethora of roles. We’ve already seen the likes of Swordfighter Peach, Patissiere Peach, and Detective Peach, but what other costumes could be hiding backstage? Not these, that’s for sure. Nintendo almost certainly won't have the guts to include the five Princess Peach: Showtime transformations we've concocted, no matter how much the world needs them.
5. Financial Tax Assistant Peach
© Nintendo
In a bizarre and upsettingly close-to-home concept, Peach must race against the clock to submit tax returns on the last day of the financial year or see her kingdom’s businesses raided by IRSB (Inland Revenue Sour Bunch). The plumber bros presumably have to confirm their earnings each year, so we reckon it’s time for royalty to suffer through the same confounding, expensive mess. With any luck, Nintendo will manage to make the experience both fun and educational, so that we can finally understand how to do it properly in the real world.
4. Esports Star Peach (Super Smash Bros. Melee edition)
© Nintendo
If the popularity of Overwatch’s D.Va has proven anything, it’s that Nintendo is already extremely late to the in-game esports star concept. But late is still better than never! We can’t imagine anything more choice than Peach rocking up at a Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament to batter everyone, playing as herself all the while. Every opponent she wavedashes and float-cancels past is forced to sign a contract agreeing never to touch Melee again, allowing Nintendo to, in one universe at least, finally kill off the ancient platform fighter for good.
3. Undertaker Peach
© Darkstone Digital, Nintendo
No, not the wrestler (though to be clear: we would absolutely be down for that too). This Princess Peach: Showtime transformation sees her retracing old levels, collecting the countless fallen koopas that Mario and his pals have stomped into oblivion. Undertaker Peach’s main goal would be to lay the flattened turtles to rest. But – oh no! – several keep trying to rise from the grave as dry bones, scattering themselves throughout the morgue. Can our new Mushroom Kingdom mortician help these KIA koopas finally find peace, or will she take some quick cash instead by selling their skeletal bodies on Bowser’s black market?
2. Peach the Porcupine
© Nintendo, Sega
If you ask us, Nintendo’s ancient rivalry with Sega has become far too tame in recent years. That blue hedgehog has gotten all too cozy with Ninty's red plumber, so it’s time for our queen-in-waiting to stoke the flames of competition once more. In this segment of Princess Peach: Showtime, our heroine dons a a distinctively spiky costume to take part in races across the animal kingdom. These contests would, naturally, involve squaring off against a (legally distinct) rival blue hedgehog and trouncing him every time. The biggest stopper here? With the Paris Olympics inbound, Nintendo probably doesn’t want to torpedo the chance to cash in via a new Mario & Sonic sporting partnership.
1. Bowser Peach
© Nintendo
After the Sour Bunch take control of the Mushroom Kingdom and lock Bowser within, Princess Peach must turn the tables by impersonating her many-time kidnapper to lead his forces! Commanding a stage full of his minions, the Princess-turned-tyrant takes on a series of tactical battles to oust the invaders and free the real Bowser. Unfortunately, the internet phenomenon that was Bowsette has likely sealed any spin on this concept away in a forbidden vault guarded by team of Nintendo's most ruthless hammer bros. But we still think they should do it, the cowards.
What other roles would you like to see Princess Peach play? Check out the official ones when Princess Peach: Showtime launches for Nintendo Switch on March 22. Gear up to enjoy her dramatic outing by picking up ideal HyperX gaming gear like the Cirro Buds Pro!
